Divorce can be a challenging and emotional experience for everyone involved, particularly for children. Many parents feel guilty as they agonize over the impact of their decision to divorce on their children. It is not easy to come to terms with the fact that you are putting your kids through a divorce. However, there are ways of coping with parental guilt and helping your children through this challenging time.
First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that you are not alone. Many parents feel a crippling sense of guilt as they navigate the breakdown of their marriage and the impact of divorce on their children. Your children may add to this guilt by expressing anger or sadness because they do not want you to split up. You may already be experiencing a whirlwind of emotions associated with the end of your marriage, such as anger, fear, and grief. Seeing your children’s sad faces can make you feel even more guilty, anxious, and depressed.
In these moments, it is important to remind yourself of the reasons that led you to this point. If you and your partner can no longer live together, then parting ways may be the best option. By taking this decision, you have made a massive step towards changing a situation that was damaging to everyone involved. Although it is unfortunate that you are separating, focusing on being kind to yourself and your children and making the best out of the situation can help.
It is important to note that divorce is not a decision that parents take lightly. The end of the line is just that – the point at which nothing further can be tried, and the only kind thing to do is to put the marriage out of its misery. Wallowing in guilt will not help. As loving and caring parents, it is impossible for anyone to feel more punished or guilty than you do for your actions. While it is regrettable, it needs to be managed carefully, but it is not the end of the world for you or your children.
Although the initial stages of divorce can be painful, it is essential to keep your head above the waters of the murky guilt swamp. Find a way to rise above the guilt and think of how you can parent well. Concentrate your efforts on turning your guilt into a determination to make the best of the situation for your children and prepare yourself for those moments when your children are upset or angry. Stay calm when this happens and say that while you are very sorry that you and your partner have had to part, there was no way around it.
Getting your children involved in the decisions that need to be made about the aspects of your lives that are going to change can help as well. Ask for their opinion on anything from choosing breakfast cereal to what kind of new downsized car you should buy. If they are involved, they are less likely to judge. If they have input into decisions that need to be made, they will be more accepting of change.
It is also essential to recognize that the days of staying together for the kids have gone. Living in a perpetual war zone is far more damaging to children than the effects of a divorce.
Reach Out to a Compassionate Family Law Attorney
The Law Offices of Michael A. Robbins can guide you through your divorce and help you deal with all the emotions involved. We will work hard to provide you with the best representation possible. To schedule a consultation, call (248) 646-7980 or fill out the online form.